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刚开学,我们班一个男生,想出去上网

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  • 2021-08-06
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刚开学,我们班一个男生,想出去上网,打算拿烟和门卫大爷打好关系,结果因为刚到的新学校不熟悉,就对正在门口查岗的校长说:“大爷抽根烟吧。”然后,然后就再也没见过这位同学。

有个山里人买了块马蹄表,晚上睡觉放在床头桌子上。半夜醒来听到桌子上有铮、铮、铮的声音,以为是老鼠在活动,便悄悄从床下摸了一块砖头,使劲朝放表的地方砸去。响声立即停止了,他这才放心地睡了。天明醒来一看,发现表盖破了,表针也歪了,只是表壳还完整无损。他庆幸地说:亏得咱那一砖头砸得准,不然,连表壳也叫老鼠咬破了。

哥哥比较胖,人也老实,嫂子刚过门时,有点嫌弃他,经常骂他肥猪,动不动还嚷着要离婚。哥哥也不生气,默默地承担了所有家务,一日三餐大鱼大肉的端在嫂子面前,那卑微,所有人都看不下去,直到两年后,嫂子再也不骂他胖了,还经常捏着自己肚子上的三个游泳圈发呆……

一位著名作家的戏剧上演后大获成功,他高兴地给扮演女主角的演员发了贺电:“非常成功!”女演员受宠若惊地回电:“您过奖了。”作家又郑重其事地发了回电:“我是指剧本。”女演员也给他又发了回电:“我指的也是。”

那年,堂哥骑摩托车撞猪上了,猪蛋破了一个,赔了养猪的500。大约过了一个礼拜,堂哥骑摩托车被猪撞倒了,一看还是那头猪。这次堂哥骨折了,养猪的赔了堂哥5000多 …第二天养猪的给堂哥送来了几斤猪肉,嘴里还唠叨着:这次你放心骑车吧,猪当晚就被我宰了。

逛商场时看上了一件夹克,毛茸茸的穿上肯定特暖和,等我从试衣间出来后发现老公的眼神怪怪的,我:是不是感觉像小仙女下凡?惊呆了吧?老公:我可以说实话吗?看着我认真的眼神继续说道:嗯,像!太像座山雕了!

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